Am I Emotionally Unavailable?
How much you put out, and how much you let in.
- 18 questions
- About 5 minutes
- Free, no account
- Result shown straight away
Emotional unavailability is rarely coldness. More often it is a well-practised habit of managing things alone, built at a point when that was the sensible option. This quiz looks at two separate things: how easily you say what's going on with you, and how easily you let someone else's care actually reach you. You can score very differently on the two, and the result tells you which one to work on.
What it can tell you
- Where your answers sit on emotional distance
- Where your answers sit on letting care in
- What the pattern in your own answers looks like written down
What it cannot
- Diagnose anything, or stand in for a professional opinion
- Tell you what your partner thinks, feels or intended
- Know anything you have not told it
Read this first
This is a self-reflection exercise, not an assessment or a diagnosis. It describes how you reported feeling over recent weeks, and that can change with circumstances, workload and who you're with — many people are open with one person and closed with another. It cannot tell you why you relate this way, and it cannot tell you whether a particular relationship is right for you. If emotional distance is causing you real distress, a therapist will get much further with you than a questionnaire.
About 5 minutes18 questionsNo account, no email
Questions people ask about this test
- How long does the "Am I Emotionally Unavailable?" test take?
- About 5 minutes. There are 18 questions, you can go back and change an answer, and the full result appears as soon as you finish.
- Do I need an account to see my result?
- No. There is no account, no email address and no payment involved in taking this test or reading the result. An account only exists if you want to keep a result to look at later — it does not unlock a longer version, because there is no longer version.
- Is this a diagnosis?
- No. This is a self-reflection exercise, not an assessment or a diagnosis. It describes how you reported feeling over recent weeks, and that can change with circumstances, workload and who you're with — many people are open with one person and closed with another. It cannot tell you why you relate this way, and it cannot tell you whether a particular relationship is right for you. If emotional distance is causing you real distress, a therapist will get much further with you than a questionnaire. The scoring is plain arithmetic applied to what you report, not an assessment by a clinician.
- Can my partner see my answers?
- No. This test is taken on your own and nothing is shared with anybody. If you want to compare answers with a partner, the separate couples test asks you both the same questions privately and only compares them once you have both finished and both agreed.
Tests that ask a neighbouring question
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Tools for one specific thing
Emotional Translation
Rewrite something you want to say so it can be heard instead of defended against.
Softer wording does not make an unreasonable request reasonable, and it is not a technique for managing someone.
Two-Sided Story
You each describe the same moment separately, then read both accounts side by side.
This tool will not decide whose account is accurate. If you are looking for a verdict, it is the wrong tool.
This test only hears your side of it.
The couples test asks you both the same questions separately, then shows you where your answers meet and where they do not. It is free, and neither of you sees the other's answers until you have both finished and both agreed.
Between Us is a reflection tool. This test is not therapy, counselling or a clinical assessment, and it cannot know your situation. If you are in immediate danger, please use these resources instead.