Am I the Problem in My Relationship?
A question with almost never a yes or no answer.
- 19 questions
- About 6 minutes
- Free, no account
- Result shown straight away
Relationships rarely have one author of their difficulties, so this quiz doesn't try to answer the question as asked. Instead it looks at three things you can actually do something about: what you contribute when things get tense, how well you repair afterwards, and whether you may be carrying more of the blame than belongs to you. That third one matters. People who ask this question are often the ones taking on too much, not too little.
What it can tell you
- Where your answers sit on what you add to the friction
- Where your answers sit on capacity to repair
- Where your answers sit on carrying more than your share
- What the pattern in your own answers looks like written down
What it cannot
- Diagnose anything, or stand in for a professional opinion
- Tell you what your partner thinks, feels or intended
- Know anything you have not told it
Read this first
This is a self-reflection exercise, not an assessment or a diagnosis, and it only ever hears one side. It cannot see your partner's contribution, your history together, or the pressures either of you are under, and it cannot assign fault. If you are asking this question because someone repeatedly tells you that you are the problem, that is worth examining with a person rather than a questionnaire. Your answers describe one day, and difficult weeks skew them.
About 6 minutes19 questionsNo account, no email
Questions people ask about this test
- How long does the "Am I the Problem in My Relationship?" test take?
- About 6 minutes. There are 19 questions, you can go back and change an answer, and the full result appears as soon as you finish.
- Do I need an account to see my result?
- No. There is no account, no email address and no payment involved in taking this test or reading the result. An account only exists if you want to keep a result to look at later — it does not unlock a longer version, because there is no longer version.
- Is this a diagnosis?
- No. This is a self-reflection exercise, not an assessment or a diagnosis, and it only ever hears one side. It cannot see your partner's contribution, your history together, or the pressures either of you are under, and it cannot assign fault. If you are asking this question because someone repeatedly tells you that you are the problem, that is worth examining with a person rather than a questionnaire. Your answers describe one day, and difficult weeks skew them. The scoring is plain arithmetic applied to what you report, not an assessment by a clinician.
- Can my partner see my answers?
- No. This test is taken on your own and nothing is shared with anybody. If you want to compare answers with a partner, the separate couples test asks you both the same questions privately and only compares them once you have both finished and both agreed.
Tests that ask a neighbouring question
Worth reading alongside it
What Repair Actually Looks Like After an Argument
The hours after a row matter more than the row itself. Repair is a specific set of actions, not a mood that eventually passes.
How to Talk About What Isn't Working
Most difficult conversations fail in the first thirty seconds. Here is how to open one so that it has somewhere useful to go.
Tools for one specific thing
Two-Sided Story
You each describe the same moment separately, then read both accounts side by side.
This tool will not decide whose account is accurate. If you are looking for a verdict, it is the wrong tool.
Apology Builder
Build an apology that names the actual harm instead of defending the intention.
A well-worded apology is not owed acceptance, and this tool will not help you apologise for something you have not actually stopped doing.
This test only hears your side of it.
The couples test asks you both the same questions separately, then shows you where your answers meet and where they do not. It is free, and neither of you sees the other's answers until you have both finished and both agreed.
Between Us is a reflection tool. This test is not therapy, counselling or a clinical assessment, and it cannot know your situation. If you are in immediate danger, please use these resources instead.