How Do I Handle Conflict?
A profile, not a grade.
- 19 questions
- About 5 minutes
- Free, no account
- Result shown straight away
Most of us have one move we make under pressure, learned long before this relationship, and we make it whether or not it works. This quiz describes three things that run independently of each other: how much heat you add, how readily you remove yourself, and how well you put things back together afterwards. None of them is straightforwardly good or bad. The useful finding is usually the combination.
What it can tell you
- Where your answers sit on heat you add
- Where your answers sit on how much you withdraw
- Where your answers sit on how well you repair
- What the pattern in your own answers looks like written down
What it cannot
- Diagnose anything, or stand in for a professional opinion
- Tell you what your partner thinks, feels or intended
- Know anything you have not told it
Read this first
This is a self-reflection exercise, not an assessment or a diagnosis. It describes what you reported about your own behaviour, which is hard to see accurately from the inside — your partner may well describe some of it differently, and that difference is worth a conversation rather than an argument. Conflict style also shifts with the person you're with and with how safe the relationship feels. If arguments between you ever stop feeling safe, that is a different matter from conflict style, and worth talking to someone about.
About 5 minutes19 questionsNo account, no email
Questions people ask about this test
- How long does the "How Do I Handle Conflict?" test take?
- About 5 minutes. There are 19 questions, you can go back and change an answer, and the full result appears as soon as you finish.
- Do I need an account to see my result?
- No. There is no account, no email address and no payment involved in taking this test or reading the result. An account only exists if you want to keep a result to look at later — it does not unlock a longer version, because there is no longer version.
- Is this a diagnosis?
- No. This is a self-reflection exercise, not an assessment or a diagnosis. It describes what you reported about your own behaviour, which is hard to see accurately from the inside — your partner may well describe some of it differently, and that difference is worth a conversation rather than an argument. Conflict style also shifts with the person you're with and with how safe the relationship feels. If arguments between you ever stop feeling safe, that is a different matter from conflict style, and worth talking to someone about. The scoring is plain arithmetic applied to what you report, not an assessment by a clinician.
- Can my partner see my answers?
- No. This test is taken on your own and nothing is shared with anybody. If you want to compare answers with a partner, the separate couples test asks you both the same questions privately and only compares them once you have both finished and both agreed.
Tests that ask a neighbouring question
Worth reading alongside it
What Repair Actually Looks Like After an Argument
The hours after a row matter more than the row itself. Repair is a specific set of actions, not a mood that eventually passes.
The Quiet Cost of Avoiding Conflict
Keeping the peace feels generous at the time. The bill tends to arrive later, as distance nobody can quite explain.
This test only hears your side of it.
The couples test asks you both the same questions separately, then shows you where your answers meet and where they do not. It is free, and neither of you sees the other's answers until you have both finished and both agreed.
Between Us is a reflection tool. This test is not therapy, counselling or a clinical assessment, and it cannot know your situation. If you are in immediate danger, please use these resources instead.